“Staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women’s breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.
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This information came over the internet some years ago. It purports to be the answers given by students in science exams around the world. It came with the comment that “it is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressure of time and grades?.” I was unable to trace the author, but as the work deserves wider dissemination, I present here the answers of most interest to a medical audience.

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Nine months after struggling to get out; rest of your life you are struggling to get in.

1. “Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It’s like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: ‘Because of my mother.’”
Robin Greenspan

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There was this man from Cape Horn,
He wished he had never been born,
He would not have been,
Had his father seen
That the tip of his Nirodh was torn.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,
surgical procedure. A young blonde student nurse
appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my
testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, Read More…

There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion.

She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.

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A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

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An elderly couple went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

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A man approached his family physician and said,

“Doc, I’m afraid you’ll have to remove my wife’s tonsils one of these days.”

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A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.

He said to the doctor, “I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.”

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

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“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

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This guy goes into a doctors and says, “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”

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Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, “What is three times three?”

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An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - “Doctor, I don’t know what the problem is, but I’ve been farting all the time. It’s not really a problem socially because they don’t make any noise and don’t smell. I just can’t stop farting all the time. In fact while I’ve been in here I must have farted at least 20 times.”

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The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.

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A guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

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One day, John’s tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor’s office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he’d have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

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A woman goes to her doctor and says that she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret, as she is embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed.

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When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!”

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A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in battle.

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There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn’t even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

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A man goes to his doctor and says, “Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I’ve got a problem.”

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A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having such success in his business that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him and put it above his shop entrance.

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Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world.

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A prostitute visited a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

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For years and years they told me,

Be careful of your breasts,

Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them,

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A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

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One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”

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A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Smith, what’s the problem?”

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One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car.

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“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Bob asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

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An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months

together, the woman wasn’t feeling well and she went to her doctor.

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Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with Dr. Morris Cohen the dentist. She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her dentist …and she was going to propose to him.

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Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer’s. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn’t handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.

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There is a man in a hospital that thinks he will die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish.

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Grandpa is running around in the nursing home with his privates hanging out of his pants screaming: “My penis just died, my penis just died!”

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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

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A man spent the evening in a Japanese house of ill-repute and contracts a strange disease, causing his member to display colors ranging from red, to green, to purple and several other hues. In a state of panick, he contacts his family doctor, and is informed that his penis must be amputated immediately. After two or three opinions from other family practitioners, he decides to try a Japanese doctor. A Japanese prostitute, probably a Japanese disease… why not a Japanese doctor?

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