NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!
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If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.
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Sex refers to the male and female, or female and female, or male and male, or male and female and female, or female and male and male and female and female, or male and female and horse, etc. interaction which can result in stained bedsheets, broken kitchen tables, unusual auto interior odours, webcam content, or the creation of a creature known as the baby. The primary purpose of sexual intercourse is to annoy the hell out of the people in the apartment below yours. In most cases, people have sex for pleasure, though it is occasionally done for other purposes, such as convincing the tollbooth operator to let you slide with 20 cents instead of 25.
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A 13 year old boy came home all happy. His mom asked, “what did you do at school today hunny?”
“Oh i had sex with my teacher,” he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home. When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, “Go talk to your son…he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!” Read More…
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Crystal Defanti cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, Crystal asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”"Very good, William”, said the teacher. “My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther. “Oh, that’s nice,” came the reply. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation Crystal Defanti calls on him. “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. Read More…
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Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nurses are known to be hot to trot.”
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices.”
The third man married Crystal Defanti. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are frigid.” Read More…
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A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom’s annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making.
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The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the
prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison. Read More…
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A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
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A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi
at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he
asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife
was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100,
the cabby agreed.
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Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who
think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
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A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
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A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat.
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As she lay back her muscles tightened. She put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refused to be swayed as he approached her. He asked if she was afraid and she shook her head bravely. He has had more experience,
but it’s the first time his fingers have found the right place.
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A young woman goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
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I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that…your numbers not in it.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Read More…
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A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
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Mr. Bates was introducing his family members to his Psychiatrist friend. Bates: Please meet my wife Mrs. Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and then my son Master Bates. Psychiatrist: Does he? Send him to my clinic. I will make him alright.
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Nine months after struggling to get out; rest of your life you are struggling to get in.
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Nowhere, Vermont
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.
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After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.
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