Officer: Hello there, maam. Could I see your license please?
Paris: Jesus! I wish you cops would get it together! You just took away my license yesterday, and now you expect me to show it to you? WTF! Not hot!

Officer: Miss Hilton, this is the third time youve had a traffic violation in 1 week!
Paris: Well, why did you stop me this time?
Officer: I didnt maam, the tree did. Its nice you wanted to take your dog into the park, but usually walking works better for everyone. Have you been drinking? Read More…

Officer: Miss Hilton, this is a 65 MPH highway. Why are you going so slowly?
Paris: 65? All the signs I saw said 22. Read More…

Officer: Good evening.
Paris: Well it isnt NOW!
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Paris: Hey, arent you that cop that gave me those verbal warnings last week? Looks like youve had a few donuts since then though. Read More…

A recorded customer service call at Private Jet Services Inc., of a brief conversation with Paris Hilton was making the rounds internally until management deleted it. According to internal sources, Paris called the PJS service center and said This is Paris Hilton. Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from Los Angeles to Las Vegas? The agent replied, Just a minute Miss Hilton. To which Paris replied Wow thats great! Thank you. and hung up.

Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan find a magic mirror. the mirror tells them that if they say something good that they think about themselves, they get their hearts desire. however, if its a lie, they get sucked into the mirror for ever. Britney steps up and says I think Im the smartest girl in the world and she gets sucked in. Lindsay says I think Im the prettiest girl in the world and she gets sucked in. Paris says I think… and gets sucked in.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were shopping when Paris suddenly realized she locked her keys in the car. So they went back and Paris got out her tweezers to try to pick the lock. She tried for a couple of minutes and then Nicole gave it a try. Hurry! Paris said. Its starting to rain. And the top is down!

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are driving down the highway in a convertible. Lindsay knows that shes speeding so she asks Paris if theres a cop behind them. The Paris looks behind her and sees a cop and says Oh shit. There is a cop behind us. Lindsay says That sucks. Are his lights on? Paris says Yes…No…Yes…No…Yes…No

Paris walked into a library because she wanted to experience something new. She walks up to the counter and says Can I have a burger and fries? The librarian says, Im sorry, this is a library. So Paris whispers, Can I have a burger and fries?

Q. Why were Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie fired from their Simple Life job at a banana company?
A. They threw out all of the bent ones.

1. Excuse me, but where is the Starbucks?
2. Is this pork chop and mashed potato stew diet?
3. Could you put those handcuffs on me again? It makes me feel like Im in my own bed.
4. Wow. This is so like totally not like Daddys hotel. Big frown!
5. Cant I have my dog here with me? He was driving drunk too!
6. Do you have anything else I can wear? This uniform makes me look so non-anorexic.
7. Wait! When I checked no about the conjugal visits, it was because I like TOTALLY thought it meant I had to meet with a grammar tutor.
8. Hey, why is there a bed in this disgusting little bathroom? And where is the rest of my cell?
9. Youll silence Sarah Silverman for how much again?
10. Yes, can you tell me where I book a pedicure and a Brazilian? And would you mind if I brought in my people for it? No offense, but I would never want a stranger to see me down there!
11. Wow, so youre like a criminal? Youre like the third one I met today!
12. Dear Mr. Diary. Im going to write three letters to the judge and see if that helps: WTF?