SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Stupidity is not for everyone. Do not use stupidity if you don’t want to succeed. Do not use stupidity if you are driving or operating machinery. Do not use stupidity if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. Side effects may include: pregnancy, injury, death, fiscal losses, injury to others, or death to others. Always consult your doctor before beginning any cycle of stupidity. Ask your doctor if stupidity is right for you [hint: it isn't].
Idiots have played a vital role in history, teaching early humans what happens if you place your hand in fire, get on the bad side of a large, angry animal, or look directly down the barrel of your spear. In fact, idiots have often been held responsible for starting the Cold War. Many people scorn the idiot, saying that they have no value to society, and that they should be exterminated. They are probably right, but it was this kind of thinking that led to the Holocaust. Actually, the United States had a plan to exterminate the idiot population, but this plan was scrapped when they realised that in doing this they would be wiping out at least 63% of their populace. Russia had the same idea, but they too had to terminate the plan because Idiots are the currency there.
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Regardless of your political leaning, this is just plain funny…
Note: This is an exact replication of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
Read More…
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Dear Grandson,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I’m glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
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A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutly religious woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.
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A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
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Some guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
“Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”
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A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, ‘I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS’.
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A Husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the Wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
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Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into Read More…
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Apologies if this is the incorrect area for this question.
I’ve noticed that as I copy data/install programs on my Laptop, the weight of the Laptop increases. I have a bad back and am medically limited on the amount of weight I can carry so I need to be very carefull not to inflict injury upon myself.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
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A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
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A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, so he calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.
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An MG Midget pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. “Do you have a car phone?” its driver asked the guy in the Rolls.
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