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Once upon a time, in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
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Once a gentleman arrived at the town, dressed well, he settled in the unique hotel that was, and put a warning in the unique page of the local newspaper, was arranged to buy each monkey that brings to him by $10. Farmers, that knew that the forest was full of monkeys, left running to hunt monkeys.
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1. The most popular game for Icelandic families in 2009?
Go Fish!
2. What’s the capital of Iceland?
About $20
Iceland was a currency posing as a bank.
3. I went to an ATM today, and it asked to borrow a twenty till next week.
4. Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my money and I still have a wife.”
5. In Soviet America, banks rob people because that is where the money is!
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This information came over the internet some years ago. It purports to be the answers given by students in science exams around the world. It came with the comment that “it is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressure of time and grades?.” I was unable to trace the author, but as the work deserves wider dissemination, I present here the answers of most interest to a medical audience.
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POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks!
POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?
NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should’ve poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.
NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities. Read More…
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Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. “973,” says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says “OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
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An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures. She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera. He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.
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An economist returns to visit his old school. He’s interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: “the questions are always the same - only the answers change!”
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An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects. The astrologer says, “Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can’t even reach that proportion”. The econometrician replies, “That’s because of external shocks. Stars don’t have those”.
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Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle. They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep. After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
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A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
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Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.
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Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit, Boris says to Bill, -Bill, you know, I have a big problem I don’t know what to do about. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don’t know which one. -Not a big deal Boris, I’m stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it’s never the same one.
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I know that economics is ruling my life when - I tried to calculate my 3 year old son’s discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner - I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles
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We have 2 classes of forecasters: Those who don’t know . . . and those who don’t know they don’t know.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
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An economist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about - and make you feel it’s your fault.
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An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
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Q: What do you call a little girl in a brown dress who is running across a playground?
A: A brownian motion.
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Q:How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A:All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the AD (agg. demand) to the right
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