#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

Read More…

A cop pulls over a guy.
“Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?”
“Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed — have you been eating doughnuts?”

Officer: Hello there, maam. Could I see your license please?
Paris: Jesus! I wish you cops would get it together! You just took away my license yesterday, and now you expect me to show it to you? WTF! Not hot!

Officer: Miss Hilton, this is the third time youve had a traffic violation in 1 week!
Paris: Well, why did you stop me this time?
Officer: I didnt maam, the tree did. Its nice you wanted to take your dog into the park, but usually walking works better for everyone. Have you been drinking? Read More…

Officer: Miss Hilton, this is a 65 MPH highway. Why are you going so slowly?
Paris: 65? All the signs I saw said 22. Read More…

Officer: Good evening.
Paris: Well it isnt NOW!
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Paris: Hey, arent you that cop that gave me those verbal warnings last week? Looks like youve had a few donuts since then though. Read More…

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:

Read More…

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Read More…