Ahhh….Australia or more commonly known as “Ooooo-strya!”. The Great Southern Land, Down Under, The Sunburnt Country, Terra Australis, Oz, The Better Version of New Zealand…(Terra australaeionesia cowardiana), quite the happy continent, is a Commonwealth country known mostly by foreigners as Great Britain with a less fruity accent and sun in the sky you can actually see. It is also called “Oz” for short, or “down under”, after the most popular position. The name “Australia” originates from the Aboriginal word “Wallaborongamala” meaning “where the bloody hell am I?” (Though an alternative theory claims that the name comes from Igpay Atinlay and is a bastardisation of ‘Austria’). Potential tourists should note that Australia is populated by vicious, venomous creatures (both native and feral) that can kill a full-grown man in seconds.

Australia was formerly theorised to be the largest island in the world, but was later discovered to be nothing more than a hilariously undersized continent. Though Australia was first colonised by the Aborigines circa 60,000 B.C., the British took control of it after a bizarre administrative error which also created North Korea, Poland and Sweden. It was then discarded by the then King of England, King Kong, who was often criticised for having a typically 2D view of the world. Fortunately for England he was ousted from Primate Ministership by a strategically placed barrel to the head.

Some people maintain the viewpoint that there is only one place in Australia that isn’t worth visiting. These people are invariably divided into two sections: those who Hate Sydney and those who love every where including Sydney. The people of Sydney are often incapable of remembering anything outside of the name of their favoured state, unlike the rest of Australians, who know Everything.