A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”

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Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.

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A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
“Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?”
“The Red Sox.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.”
“That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?”
“No, that would make me a Yankees fan!”

• Unlike baseball, players dont readjust their testicles before each swing.
• Unlike boxing, players dont chomp on each others ears or punch them in the groin.
• Unlike tennis, players dont grunt like Cro Magnon men with each effort.
• Unlike basketball, players dont elbow each other in the ribs for better position.
• Unlike auto racing, spectators dont have to breathe noxious fumes or be forced to listen to “The Achy Breaky Song” on the loud speaker.
• Unlike soccer, the fans dont spit on or trample each other to death if their favorite team loses.
• Unlike bowling, no one knows your shoe size.
• Unlike polo, players dont need to be smug yuppie aristocratic inbred dweebs.
• Unlike football, players dont tell the ref to do a physically impossible act to himself.
• Unlike wrestling, spectators have all their teeth.

* I have to try out this new hat.
* I haven’t played the course in ten years since I moved away.
* I heard a new sand trap was added to #4.
* I heard golf is much easier when you’re sober, so I have to try it.
* I heard the course is flat – I always play well on flat courses.
* I heard they cut the greens again. I have to try them out.
* I heard they got rid of the port-o-potty at the turn.
* I have to crown the new bathroom. Read More…

Two Scots, Rabby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.

Rabby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond.
He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for
a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well. This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus says.”Rabby, these Read More…

Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

2nd Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool.”

3rd Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to Read More…

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty,chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.

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• When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter
• The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.
• You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.
• You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.
• You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.
• Youd like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?
• Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.
• Youre vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife
• You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.
• Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"> < face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"> < face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

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One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday. “9.30 okay?”

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The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

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An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,”Seven Points.”

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Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?

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Two guys are out hunting deer…

The first guy says, “Did you see that?…pointing to the sky.”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.

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Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.
“Use this one – You can’t lose it!”

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A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.

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Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: “You’ve got two choices.
I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”

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I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.
He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.
My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.

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