Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”
Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A: Their armpits.
Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket
The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Chirac’s ass?
A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!!
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IF YOU HAVE MORE, WE’RE READY TO ADD THEM TO THE LIST.
1. Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
2. Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
3. Have her dress up as a ghost and you dress uup us Pacman. Walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”
4. Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
5. Dress up as superherous and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
6. Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes. Read More…
1000 Years of German Humor
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
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A recent study compiled the 10 Oldest Jokes in the World, dating back to 1900 BC.
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Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~ Unknown
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“France is the most civilized country in the world and doesn’t care who knows it.” —John Gunther
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She says = English
1. We need = I want
2. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
3. Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
4. We need to talk = Read More…
1. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
2. I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!
3. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
4. Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
5. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER Read More…
Did you know Latin is the original language in of the State of Vatican?
If you ever thought about becoming the Pope, you should start learning Latin.
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How To Make Women Happy…
The Point System
(advice according to women)
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1. Getting kissed in the pouring rain.
And then developing pneumonia because you were too stupid to use an umbrella.
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#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
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From Resumania’s Archive:
1. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
2. Interests: “Gossiping.”
3. Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”
4. Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”
5. Employer: ” Myself; received pay raise for high sales.”
6. Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
7. Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”
8. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
9. Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
10. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
11. Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”
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1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.
3. Are your parents siblings?
4. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
5. Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
6. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
7. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
8. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
9. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
10. Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull?
11. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
12. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
13. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
14. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.
15. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? Read More…
“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
- Victor Borge talking about Mozart
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Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!
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As I’ve Matured…
-I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
-I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
-I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
-I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
-I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
-I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
-I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
-I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
-I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
-I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
-I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, and keep coming back.
-I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
-I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
-I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
-I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.
-I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
-I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
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