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Poland Jokes


First known date from Poland is 1410, when Chrobry (another idiotic nick) made a bet with Emo-Hitler over the two crappy swords. The loser had to walk whole day with these swords in his anus. Unfortunately, Chrobry lost. From this time, all Poles have been assholes. Literally. Later, Poland joined Lithuania to found the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth.

Poland did, however, save Western Europe from the barbarity of the Ottoman Empire by massacring 300 000 turkish soldiers who were gypsying around the environs of Vienna, looking for work. So they can’t be all bad? Right?

The most important moment in Poland history came in 1939, when polish (Kazimierz the Small) and german (Otto the Idiot) leader repeated the old bet. Of course, polish poor fuck again lost his bet.

After winning (thrid time) presidental election in 2017, Andrzej Lepper established first concentration camps in Poland for people, who voted for someone else.

The nation of Poland suffered a tremendous tragedy after World War III, when the Lithuanian army repatriated the Polish city of Wilno and forced the inhabitants to return to their motherland. The resulting overpopulation caused a famine of unseen proportions which claimed all of the displaced residents of Wilno. After that polish people invented the only way to bring freedom back to Wilno. This way was wudzia. They produced it a lot, then invite all Lithuanians for birthday and forced them to drink. Quickly the Wilno was back in Poland and Lithuanians back in hospitals.

Back during the Solidarity days, I heard that the following joke was being told in Poland:

A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk to make a deposit. Since he has never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous.

“What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?” he asks.

“Well, in that case your money would be insured by the Bank of Warsaw.”

“But, what if the Bank of Warsaw fails?”

“Well, there’d be no problem, because the Bank of Warsaw is insured by the National Bank of Poland.”

“And if the National Bank of Poland fails?”

“Then your money would be insured by the Bank of Moscow.”

“And what if the Bank of Moscow fails?”

“Then your money would be insured by the Great Bank of the Soviet Union.”

“And if that bank fails?”

“Well, in that case, you’d lose all your money. But, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

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Posted in: Poland Jokes, USSR Jokes 1 Comment.

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

“Why not?”

“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

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A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command (“Jump!”).

In a first stage of experiment he removed flea’s leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: “Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly.”

So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly.”

Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly.”

Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: “Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing”

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Posted in: Animals Jokes, Poland Jokes No Comments.

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
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