Primarily known as being the birthplace of pizza, soccer players, ugly and hairy women, violent knife-weilding men, and by movie buffs as being the home of the Mafia, Italy is, in essence, a fascinating giant leather boot, found propping up the underbelly of Europe and stretching several hundred thousand miles into the dank cesspit that is the Mediterranean sea, where it is currently tied to a block of concrete called Sicily.

Mostly inhabited by a deceptively lazy race of dark-skinned, tanned mutant dwarven hobits known as Eye-talians, Italy boasts a warm, sunny climate, conducive to much breast showing in the summer time, and cool winters, which mark the annual native hibernation period (usually spent in bed). Rich in history yet curiously bereft of modern culture, Italy was announced to be the No. 1 best-selling foot garment of 2004 by John Woo & Ralph Lauren.