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Ireland Jokes


A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, “What’s your name and address?”

“I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.” The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.”

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Posted in: Ireland Jokes, Irish Jokes No Comments.

O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”

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Posted in: Dumb People Jokes, Ireland Jokes, Irish Jokes No Comments.

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, “Hi there…what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?”

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that’s why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. “What are you doing?” asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that’s why he had the bread.

Finally the Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, “Hey, why are you dragging that car door?”

“Well,” he said, “I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I’ll roll down the window.”

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Posted in: Ireland Jokes 1 Comment.

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: “The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.”

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: “The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.”

The Irishman was thinking: “This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again.”

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Posted in: Claudia Schiffer Jokes, England Jokes, Ireland Jokes 18 Comments.

Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet.

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Posted in: Ireland Jokes, Scotland Jokes 1 Comment.
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