Encyclopedia of Humor

A 13 year old boy came home all happy. His mom asked, “what did you do at school today hunny?”

“Oh i had sex with my teacher,” he said calmly.

The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home. When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, “Go talk to your son…he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!” Read More…

Crystal Defanti cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, Crystal asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”"Very good, William”, said the teacher. “My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther. “Oh, that’s nice,” came the reply. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation Crystal Defanti calls on him. “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. Read More…

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nurses are known to be hot to trot.”

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices.”

The third man married Crystal Defanti. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are frigid.” Read More…

“Earlier today, Janet Jackson’s right breast came out, saw its shadow, six more weeks of winter.” —Jay Leno

“Janet Jackson was doing a duet with Justin Timberlake when at the end, he ripped off part of her top, exposing one of her breasts. Kind of ironic, for once, a Jackson getting molested.” —Jay Leno

“The chairman of the FCC announced he’s launching an immediate and swift investigation into what they’re calling ‘Nipplegate.’ … We still have to wait until next year to find out why we went to war with Iraq, but we’ll find out what happened with (Janet Jackson’s) breast probably in 48 hours.” —Jay Leno Read More…

Top 20 Michael Jackson songs, along with videos and lyrics for each song. Read More…

An important cinema star died and reached the Eden Gates.

St. Peter recognized her and, for all the good things she had done in her life, he decided to give her one chance for a last wish.

Read More…

A very funny speech, by Barack Obama.
He is a funny guy, would have made millions in show business.

Everyone, remember this is a humor website.

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany Why must I speak English?”
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war!”

LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Read More…

She says = English
1.  We need = I want
2.  It’s your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
3.  Do what you want =  You’ll pay for this later
4.  We need to talk = Read More…

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
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Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
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Q: What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.