• Unlike baseball, players dont readjust their testicles before each swing.
• Unlike boxing, players dont chomp on each others ears or punch them in the groin.
• Unlike tennis, players dont grunt like Cro Magnon men with each effort.
• Unlike basketball, players dont elbow each other in the ribs for better position.
• Unlike auto racing, spectators dont have to breathe noxious fumes or be forced to listen to “The Achy Breaky Song” on the loud speaker.
• Unlike soccer, the fans dont spit on or trample each other to death if their favorite team loses.
• Unlike bowling, no one knows your shoe size.
• Unlike polo, players dont need to be smug yuppie aristocratic inbred dweebs.
• Unlike football, players dont tell the ref to do a physically impossible act to himself.
• Unlike wrestling, spectators have all their teeth.

* I have to try out this new hat.
* I haven’t played the course in ten years since I moved away.
* I heard a new sand trap was added to #4.
* I heard golf is much easier when you’re sober, so I have to try it.
* I heard the course is flat - I always play well on flat courses.
* I heard they cut the greens again. I have to try them out.
* I heard they got rid of the port-o-potty at the turn.
* I have to crown the new bathroom. Read More…

• You don’t have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
• If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique
• The Ten Commandments do not say anything about golf.
• If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet, then you become famous Read More…
  Tell a Friend
  
  

• There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top
  and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
• Hazards attract. Fairways repel.
• You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.
• A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
• If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one in
  the bunker Read More…
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Two Scots, Rabby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.

Rabby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond.
He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for
a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well. This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus says.”Rabby, these Read More…

Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

2nd Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool.”

3rd Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to Read More…

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty,chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.

Read More…

• When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter
• The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.
• You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.
• You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.
• You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.
• Youd like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?
• Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.
• Youre vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife
• You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.
• Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"> < face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"> < face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">< face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

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