Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help†on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me†on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.Besides “Help Meâ€, other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I’m With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I’m Doomed!)
An old Arabian man who lives in central USA wants to dig around the earth so he can plant tomatoes. However, he is too old to do so, so he e-mails his son, who studies in Paris.
Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay
When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal reccomendation from your clergy.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
“If you’re going to work here young man, ” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.” “Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?” “Oh, yes, sir.” responded the young man. “And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.” said the boss.
1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of
communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for
at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
* If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
* Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
* It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done
and what you’re going to do. Read More…
1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as
to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the
waiter, who reaches for it.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and Read More…
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