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Some guy went to gun-shop:
- I want a gun.
- What kind of gun would you like?
- This one! – and he points at the biggest gun in the shop.
- May i ask what would you like to shoot at?
- Cans…
- What kind of cans?
- Jamai-cans!!!
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1. Plastic wrap on the toilet:
It’s a little gross, but this is a classic dorm prank. Just place a layer of plastic wrap between the toilet bowl and the seat. When a bleary-eyed college student stumbles into the bathroom before his 8 o’clock class, he’ll be in for a wet surprise. Just make sure you don’t have bathroom-cleaning duty that week.
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Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help†on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me†on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.Besides “Help Meâ€, other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I’m With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I’m Doomed!)
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On the first day, God created the dog and said:
“Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed. Read More…
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An old Arabian man who lives in central USA wants to dig around the earth so he can plant tomatoes. However, he is too old to do so, so he e-mails his son, who studies in Paris.
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Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who
think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
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Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay
When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.
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NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal reccomendation from your clergy.
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A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”
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1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
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Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
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“If you’re going to work here young man, ” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.” “Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?” “Oh, yes, sir.” responded the young man. “And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.” said the boss.
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1 She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
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1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of
communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for
at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
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* If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
* Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
* It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done
and what you’re going to do. Read More…
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# Take the hotel towel
# Pay tolls with $100 bills
# Practice the art of limp handshakes
# Tell the ending of movies Read More…
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1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as
to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the
waiter, who reaches for it.
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Amazing – I’d wanna date her NOW.
There is no such thing “an ugly woman” .. yeah RIGHT!
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