The truth about your mother.
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she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’
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I told her drinks were on the house…so she went and got a ladder…she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading ‘Wet Floor’…so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, “Wow, it comes with cable too!”
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund…
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
she leaves tell tales signs she’s been using my computer – white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies…
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can’t remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me…’Which colour?’
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when the cops see her on a street corner they yell, “Hey you guys, break it up!”
when she step on the Weight Scales it says…’to be continued’…
she once went on a seafood diet…whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
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that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
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Yo mama is so fat that when she stood on the electrical talking scale it said one at a time please.
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Yo momma’s so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!
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Yo mama is so fat that when she stood on the electrical talking scale it said one at a time please.
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You’re momma so fat, she be sellin’ shade!
You’re momma so ugly, she walked down the street and got arrested for indecent exposure!
You’re momma so old, her s*#t has wrinkles!
You’re momma so stupid, she gave birth to you and asked the doctor if you were hers!
You’re momma so poor, her idea of big spendin’ is buyin’ a gumball!
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Yo’ Mama is so fat, she tried to fit into a pair of ‘BVD’s and by the time she got it on, it spelled ‘BOULEVARD’.
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Yo Momma so old the first cruise line she ever road on was Noah’s Ark!
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Your momma so fat…she fell in love and broke it.
Your momma so fat…shes on both sides of the family tree.
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Your momma’s so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch!
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Yo mamma is such a bad cook that even the cockroaches throw up!
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You’re so ugly, yo momma had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.
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Your mamma’s so stupid she locked her self in a bathroom and peed her pants!
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Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says “TO BE CONTINUED!”
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YO mamma is so fat…she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!
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Your Momma is so ugly that any position is doggy style.
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Your Momma sooo ugly, when she go to the beach the tide don’t come in!
Your Momma so dirty, when she stand next to a building she look like an alley!
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