Short Adolf Hitler Jokes
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1) Three women – a German, a Jew and a polack – all gave birth to seven pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed up somehow and couldn’t tell which baby belonged to which mother.
After an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he would settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three infants in a row. He then clicked his heels, raised his arm in a salute and shouted, “Heil Hitler!”
The German baby snapped to attention, the Jewish baby shit it’s pants and the polish baby played in it!
2) Why did Hitler kill himself?
The Jews sent him a gas bill!
3) Did you hear about the queer German?
Ate Off Hitler!
4) What sweet did Hitler hate more than any other?
Jew Jew Beans……But I heard he enjoyed them roasted!
5) Have you heard about Hitler’s new microwave oven?
It seats 500!
6) What was Adolf’s favourite song?
“If I knew you were coming I’d have baked a kike!”
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April 18th, 2009 at 5:51 pm #austin hater
what was adolfs favorite jew?
austin
July 5th, 2009 at 12:24 pm #ladan
hello they are very funny i hate him u know wat there is this girl in my class that has a mushatche that people call hitler and i got pure jokes to say now!!
thnx !!
August 19th, 2009 at 4:45 pm #Helen
These jokes aren’t funny, they aren’t even aimed at offending Hitler. I can’t see any below that look good either. Why not just make jokes about the people who deserve to be ridiculed and shamed for their disgusting behavior instead of laughing at the MASS SLAUGHTERED?
October 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 pm #Anonymous
can you tell Helen? These jokes do make fun of the jews. Besides the holocaust didn’t even REALLY happen, the jews made it up for pity and money.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am #Helen
Oh Anonymous. It’s such a pity there are still people like you getting brianwashed. What did 6 million Jews just fall of the end of the Earth? “For money” indeed. If you’re thick enough to believe stereotypes as well as deny the Holocaust you probably still think the Earth is flat.
October 5th, 2009 at 1:39 am #Garret Gebhardt
I agree with Helen. End of debate. If you antisemites want to do something about ‘the jewish problem’ then do something about it already so we can jail you rather than listen to you Seig Heil about shit
October 5th, 2009 at 12:39 pm #Helen
Nice one double G
October 7th, 2009 at 9:54 am #jesus
theyre jokes you fucking idiots get over it
hey i got a joke for you
what kind of people cant take jokes…..women
October 7th, 2009 at 11:12 am #Bessy
Hey guys, chillax a bit, they are just jokes no need to get offended by them. LOL
October 9th, 2009 at 6:25 am #Helen
That was an appalling attempt to be funny and I’m going to ignore the world “chillax”.
Let me set this straight for the two imbeciles above:
A joke is a few sentences aimed at creating a humorous, often exaggerated, story. I don’t understand HOW you can twist the brutal deaths of 6 million+ people into a humorous story.
If jokes about the Holocaust are to be accepted, then surely, if someone cracked a joke about that oh-so-amusing time your Granddad died or your friend got raped or you had your legs amputated, that would be fine, because they are just jokes. Right? You wouldn’t feel upset at how people could laugh at your misfortune? Or are you actually just employees of Smilespedia trying to defend your shitty excuse for a website of humour?
October 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm #Eponymous
Don’t like it? Don’t read it. If a joke is funny it doesn’t matter what it’s about. It’s not like the truth is denied or anything. Sensitive idiots everywhere these days…
PS I bet the post about the Holocaust being fake was trolling. I bet you are trolling too, because none of the Jews I know is all hypersensitive and whiny. Also, people can talk however they want. You are no grammar police.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:06 am #Helen
Eponymous
How the Hell am I supposed to know if I’m going to like a joke before I read it?
And if you’re saying people can talk however they want, what gives you the right to tell me I’m wrong?
GOSH
October 16th, 2009 at 6:15 am #God
Look people, sort it out yeah? Stop being such a little girl helen..
October 17th, 2009 at 4:42 pm #Eponymous
Jokes belong to books and websites about jokes. People that post just to show how sensitive and deep, or people who are hypersensitive and lack the mental capacit to discern deliberate ridicule from joking don’t. Guess where you are now.
Anyway, I am going to follow the way of God. He knows best.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:58 am #Helen
Sort it out? Yes, we shall. On here? OK.
Yeah, I’ll be a “little girl” if I feel like it, thanks.
Eponymous, you might as well tell me where I am.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:40 pm #Eponumous
At the side of the neurotics that take everything seriously and don’t discern deliberate ridicule from plain joking. Was it that difficult?
October 26th, 2009 at 3:49 pm #The Mediator
Eponymous and God are right, Helen, you just need to relax. I agree that the deaths of thousands of people is nothing to joke about, a joke is a joke and if people think it is funny, they will post it in here.
Don’t start flame wars.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:10 am #Helen
The funny thing is, I am relaxed. I just don’t think these jokes are right, fair or funny and I’m calmly stating my opinion.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:10 am #Mancer
Helen, I congratulate you on setting back other people’s opinions of Women 200 years.
Where Women were seen but not heard…
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm #you don't need to know.
funny shit.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm #you don't need to know.
HELEN.
shut up + get a life.
its funny jokes, dont like them?
get off the page!
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm #i am hitler spawn
kill more jews
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm #Einsatzgruppen
These jokes are silly. Jokes based on holcaust (which never happened) are ruibbish.
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm #Adolf
This one is just for Helen
Hitler and the Pig
Adolf Hitler is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address.
Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn’t see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits it with the car.
Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Adolf climbs out also to see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he’s done asks Hitler what they should do, and Hitler tells him impatiently that they’re in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.
All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they’d react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Hitler whether he shouldn’t drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.
Hitler agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Chauffeur hurries back down the road.
Four hours later, the Chauffeur comes stumbling down the road, his arms full of sausage and bread and his breath smelling of liquor.
Hitler in a massive rage demands to know what has happened to him, and the chauffeur explains, “I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm where I killed the pig. When I went and knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me this sausage and bread, fed me the best ale I’ve ever tasted and let me have their way with their beautiful nubile young daughter and then sent me on my way after all of them hugging me.”
Adolf seemed confused by this and asks his chauffeur, “well what exactly did you tell them?”
To which the chauffeur replied “I really can’t understand it either, all I did was tell them “I’m Hitler’s Chauffeur, and I killed the pig.”
November 17th, 2009 at 4:10 pm #duhh
im on helens side she is right, yeah people have their own opinions and that is hers.
hitler was a prat anyway so get over yaselfs his seix feet under where he should be!!