The “People’s Republic of China (usually abbreviated by Rosie O’Donnel as Ching Chong Ching Chong Land), a pivotal support mechanism for the United States retail industry, was the first place in the world created by God, otherwise known as Chuck Norris. China is known as “birthplace of everything”. Everything was invented in China first, including the Television, Internet, Bad Driving, Toilets, Paper, Cheese, Industrial Pollution, kem chi, Mexicans, Existance, Bird Flu, SARS, Heterosexuality, Gunpowder, Astronauts, Jews, Bill G8S, Dan Dan Mian and CCTV. You name it, they invented it before anyone else. (Except homosexuality which was invented in 10th Century BC by Dioxippus Alcaeus, a Greek paleontologist and architect. Compare the population of both countries for a hint).
For centuries China was ruled by a series of dynasties that supplanted each other by scheduled and formal occasion, no bloodshed necessary; that was until some incredible dickhead obsessed with kitten huffing decided to mess things up (you’ll read about this douche below).
After a sudden and unexpected five-hour civil war in 1949, the Communists led by the maniacal but adorable Mao Zedong poster hanging on Tiananmen Gate took over China in a sweeping musical revolution known as “The Cool” by Lupe Fiasco. Eyewitness accounts now confirm that your Mom was there. The People’s Republic of China has often been at odds with its 20th century nemesis, the American Empire, but ever since 1972 the two countries have grudgingly met together for an annual gift exchange and hand job.
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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”
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Crash Course in Speaking Chinese
Chinese Phrase – English Translation
Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table
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Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn’t be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.
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This is a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Chinese authorities off the coast of Vietnam in South China Sea in October 1980. Presumably a true story.
Chinese: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Chinese: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Chinese: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS MIDWAY, the second largest ship in the Read More…
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1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. Read More…
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A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry.
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