These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: “For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.”

Sign at fast-food place: “PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!”

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”

Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: “Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.”

Sign from the Soviet Weekly: “There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.”

Sign in an East African newspaper: “A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.”

Sign in a Vienna hotel: “In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.”

Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: “Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.”