BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 – Saddam Hussein today announced his pledge to fight terrorism, starting with “the fool who crashed my 286 with junk e-mail spam”. The iron fisted leader went on to state that it took nearly five years to scavenge the countryside for stray computer parts “just to get on the net.” After months of receiving busy signals from America Off Line, Saddam was finally able to negotiate (handshake) with the AOL server. He then went to download his e-mail, expecting to receive the customary AOL welcome e-mail message. But much to his dismay he was hit hard by Sanford Wallace’s spam puking Cyber-Bomber Program.

The attack consisted of endless copies of the exact same junk e-mails such as “Get Rich Quick”, “Internet Porno Site Adverts”, etc., etc.. The attack was so hard & heavy that Saddam’s 120 MB hard drive simply crashed within a matter of minutes. Saddam stated that Mr. Wallace has got himself in the same predicament as Salman Rushdie, and will have nowhere to hide.

Reaction amongst netizens was generally positive, and in total agreement with Saddam’s decree.

Sources at the Pentagon stated that Mr. Wallace will most likely be placed in the Wit-less Protection Program (funded by a new tax on all e-mails).

Furthermore, Pentagon Officials were so impressed with the capabilities of the Cyber-Bomber Program, that this highly effective technology will now become property of the Department of Defense. No further details were given in regards to further research and development of junk e-mail spamming as a weapon of mass irritation.

Mr. Spamford Wallace was unavailable for comment.