1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day… look on the bright side, she’s a really good lay.2. My tire was thumping… I thought it was flat… when I looked at the tire… I noticed your cat… Sorry.

3. You had your Bladder removed and you’re on the mends… here’s a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.

4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.

5. Heard your wife left you… How upset you must be… But don’t fret about it… She moved in with me.

6. You totaled your car… and can’t remember why… could it have been… that case of Bud Dry