These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

March Planned For Next August

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police The Slip

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through

Latin Course To Be Canceled–No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Croupiers On Strike–Management: “No Big Deal”

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails–Fans Protest