TO: All Employees FROM: Human Resources

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.

Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He’s a prick. TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.