How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.

Even more clues you could be a Redneck…

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes “oink!”
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Bubba”.
4. There’s a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There’s a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged. AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is…
1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

Q: How do you know you’ve been kidnapped by a redneck?

A: He’s asking 2 million dollars ransom in unmarked million dollar bills.

You might be a Redneck Jedi if…
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* You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”

* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

* Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

* Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”

* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

* If you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”