1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back, they always catch the second person.
4. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
5. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
6. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
7. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
9. The best place to be when you are sad is Grandmom or Grandpop’s lap.

Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers.

Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I Scream.

Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray.

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo.

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos.

Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps.

Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

Q: What gives milk and has one horn?

A: A milk truck!