Encyclopedia of Humor

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM — You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION — You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
Read More…

* “Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?” — Asked of a waitress.
* “Just the chicken.” — The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
* “Would you like cream and sugar with that?” — Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.

Read More…

• “Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays.” — On the bottom of a pizza parlor’s take-out menu.
• “Parking for drive-through customers only.” — A sign at a McDonald’s in California.

Read More…

• “Ham and Cheese – $2.50. Cheese and Ham – $2.90.” – On a menu.
• “Our whipped butter is made with margarine.” — On a menu.
  Read More…

A song from your lips is an aria from heaven.
All this could be yours for one low, low price!
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are my undies showing? Answer: “No.” You: “Would you like them to?
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
Read More…