master card proposal   Top Pick of the Week: Check out this hilarious master card proposal

Women Jokes


A woman is not a womyn or a wyf or a wyfman (even if it isn’t pronounced like any of the current versions). She is someone who has not decided to affiliate with feminism or Middle English in any way. She is probably very normal, but in an attempt to prove male dominance, only one out of ten (male) doctors agree with this assessment.

For thousands of years, men have been searching for a final solution to the women problem. They have yet to execute any permanent measures and experts are beginning to admit grudgingly that women might be here to stay.

Notable characteristics include chocolate blood, 15 GHz multi-tasking capabilities, and an innate hunger for shopping.

Girl Drinks

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. She’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine – (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years… Alzheimer’s and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Guy Drinks

Then there is the male addendum …. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give two shits about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I’m gonna go shag something.

White Zin: He’s gay.

If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal

Posted in: Alcohol Jokes, Men Jokes, Women Jokes 1 Comment.

1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They’re totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They’re moody.

9. They leave hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal

Posted in: Animals Jokes, Women Jokes No Comments.

How to get the girl? Ignore her.

If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal

Posted in: Relationships Jokes, Women Jokes No Comments.

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~ Unknown

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right – instantly. ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)

A highbrow is a man who has found something more interesting than women. ~Edgar Wallace

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four. ~Fred Allen

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

A woman wears her tears like jewelry. ~ Unknown

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

No woman wants to see herself too clearly. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Physically, a man is a man for a much longer time than a woman is a woman. ~Honoré de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage

The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart. ~Unknown

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves. ~Elissa Melamed

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. ~Stephen Stills

It is because of men that women dislike one another. ~Jean de La Bruyère, Characters, 1688

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt. ~Thomas Carlyle

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. ~Edna Ferber

Women have very little idea of how much men hate them. ~Germaine Greer

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. ~William Shakespeare, As You Like It

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. ~ Unknown

Women like silent men. They think they’re listening. ~Marcel Achard, Quote, 4 November 1956

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~ Unknown

Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman’s weapon is her tongue. ~Hermione Gingoldtcalf

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one. ~W.C. Fields

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. ~Elizabeth Metcalf

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. ~Nicole Hollander

If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal

Posted in: Funny Lists, Men Jokes, Women Jokes No Comments.

She says = English
1. We need = I want
2. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
3. Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
4. We need to talk = Read More…

If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal

Posted in: Funny Lists, Men Jokes, Relationships Jokes, Women Jokes No Comments.