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Bill Clinton Jokes


If you were wondering how many members of the Republican Party does it take to replace a light bulb, we have te answer for you right here:
TEN:

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner “Bulb Accomplished,”

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally “in the dark” the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how John McCain has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.

Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you’ve got!

“Carter is no longer the worst U.S. President”

“I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated.”

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 1996.

Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill.

It’s the spending stupid!

If Clinton was the answer, it must have been a real stupid question!

Clinton in 1996–NOT!!

I’m not Fonda Clinton

Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn’t vote.

Voter: “The joke’s over, bring back Bush.”

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, “I don’t know. I never had one.”

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Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
A: By the wise look in the eyes.

Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
A: He’s the stiff one.

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two–One to promise he’ll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None–He’ll only promise “change.”

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: He doesn’t! He whines a while, says “I feel your pain”, and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because they’re sending their turkey to the White House!

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because they can’t afford any more pork.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: They’ve been having turkey for years.

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Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: What does Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims and The Clintons’ hair styles have in common?
A: They both look like the work of a butcher.

Q: If The Clinton’s were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents?
A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro’s acquaintance in the 6th grade.

Q: Why doesn’t Hillary cut Bill’s hair?
A: He won’t pay her $300.

Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A: His face.

Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?
A: Gennifer.

Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
A: Put Janet Reno in charge.

Q: What’s the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp?
A: One’s a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other’s a fish.

Q: What’s the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesn’t carry a briefcase.

Q: How does Bill Clinton say “I’m about to hurt you”?
A: “Trust me.”

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The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton

The Amish Phone Directory

Mike Tyson’s Guide To Dating Etiquette

George Foreman’s Big Book Of Baby Names

French Hospitality

Everything Women Know About Men

Everything Men Know About Women

Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection Of Motivational Speeches

Different Ways To Spell Bob

Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors

America’s Most Popular Lawyers

Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific Ocean

The Wild Years-By Al Gore

Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman

Human Rights Advances In China

To All The Men I’ve Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres

The Engineer’s Guide To Fashion

My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson

How To Land A Plane At Martha’s Vineyard – By Jfk, Jr.

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