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Golf Jokes


A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don’t know but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow aren’t they?

George: Oh yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence) Read More…

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  • Unlike baseball, players dont readjust their testicles before each swing.
  • Unlike boxing, players dont chomp on each others ears or punch them in the groin.
  • Unlike tennis, players dont grunt like Cro Magnon men with each effort.
  • Unlike basketball, players dont elbow each other in the ribs for better position.
  • Unlike auto racing, spectators dont have to breathe noxious fumes or be forced to listen to “The Achy Breaky Song” on the loud speaker.
  • Unlike soccer, the fans dont spit on or trample each other to death if their favorite team loses.
  • Unlike bowling, no one knows your shoe size.
  • Unlike polo, players dont need to be smug yuppie aristocratic inbred dweebs.
  • Unlike football, players dont tell the ref to do a physically impossible act to himself.
  • Unlike wrestling, spectators have all their teeth.
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* I have to try out this new hat.
* I haven’t played the course in ten years since I moved away.
* I heard a new sand trap was added to #4.
* I heard golf is much easier when you’re sober, so I have to try it.
* I heard the course is flat – I always play well on flat courses.
* I heard they cut the greens again. I have to try them out.
* I heard they got rid of the port-o-potty at the turn.
* I have to crown the new bathroom. Read More…

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  • You don’t have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
  • If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique
  • The Ten Commandments do not say anything about golf.
  • If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet, then you become famous Read More…
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  • There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top
    and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
  • Hazards attract. Fairways repel.
  • You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.
  • A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
  • If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one in
    the bunker Read More…
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