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Lindsay Lohan Jokes


Lindsay Lohan calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute…” “Thank you,” the Lindsay Lohan says, and hangs up.

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Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns.

One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,”It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn’t find them.”

Paris said, “I’ve found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!”

Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

“You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.” The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. “Good morning, sister,” said the pharmacist.

“What can I do for you today?”

“I’d like some condoms, please,” said Lindsay Lohan. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,

“How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box.”

“I’ll take six boxes – that should last about a week,” she replied.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions,

but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, “Sister, what size condoms would you like – we have large, extra large, and big liar size.”

Lindsay Lohan thought for a minute, and finally said, “I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel.”

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Lindsay Lohan is travelling from Kansas City to Toronto for the shooting of her new Movie A Woman of No Importance.

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry . . . we can fly
just fine on two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry… we still have
one engine left.”

Lindsay Lohan turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

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Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. Lindsay turns to the Paris and says, ” I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.” Paris replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and Paris Hilton gives the Lindsay Lohan $50. Lindsay says, “I can’t accept this money. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says Paris. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”

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Officer: Miss Hilton, this is a 65 MPH highway. Why are you going so slowly?
Paris: 65? All the signs I saw said 22. Read More…