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Sweden Jokes


Sweden is the homeland of the great Moose and the majority of Swedes are dependent on it for their survival. Don’t go to Sweden for business purposes in September. It is most likely that the firm you’ll supposed to visit is closed down because of flu which is a swedish nickname for Moosehunt.

The yearly moosehunt, this is Sweden remember, is a folk feast heavily regulated by govermental legislation. Each county, every village, down to the very individual landowner gets a statistically based yearly quota on how many moose they have the right to shoot. For the average landowner this counts down to 0.0342 moose. Now how do you shoot 0.0342 moose? The best way is to team up with other hunting neighbors until you reach score one and then hump off to the woods with walkie-talkies and hope that you not shot each other or even worse – more than one moose, a catastrophy that could prevent your hunting rights for decades.

Swedish hunters always use the latest weaponry when hunting. However after an incident in 1912 when a tactical nuke accidentally killed some polish lingonberry-pickers, hunters were banned from using anything more destructive than paper airplanes. The ban was lifted 19 years later after country-clown Markoolio had been successfully assassinated with a flame thrower.

Now direct hunting is not the most important way to survive on the Swedish moose. More profitable is either to sell hunting rights to germans or moose related souvenirs to everyone else. The Swedish Moose Souvenir Industry is surpassed in the field of cheap mass produced gizmos only by toy production in Taiwan and lately the Wal-Mart’s Republic of China.

Even if the demand for Swedish moose puppets has rocketed on world market, business analyst believe that the sign of the future is export of the Moose warning traffic signs.

Moose manure paper is a huge profitable industry. [1]. Recently the paper quality has been good enough for printing dollars on, something that greatly has improved Swedens trade balance with the US.

Another successful product related to moose is the popular drink Tomtebloss, served at all nightclubs concerned of their reputation. The ingredients are: 1/3 home made booze 1/3 blueberry juice 1/3 lobster broth and a dash of Moose piss. This drink usually occurs together with Surströmming

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
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Must be told with sound effects.

A Norwegian, a Dane and a Swede got lost in the woods up in northern Sweden and eventually ended up crossing the border into northern Finland. After a while, as the situation was getting desperate, they ended up parting and going in different directions.

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A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.
- “Where did you find that monkey?” asked the fellow pedestrian.
- “It happens to be a duck.” claimed the Swede.
- “Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck.”

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What is a party game played by Swedes?
One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.

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A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small island. A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they emprisoned the three men. The cannibals gave each of them a final wish. First they asked the Norwegian. The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more. The cannibals went to find the wife. After he saw his wife, the Norwegian was eaten, and the cannibals made a canoe out of his skin. The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. He got his cigarette. After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a canoe. Then came the Swede’s turn – he wanted a fork. He started to punch holes into himself, and yelled: “YOU WON’T MAKE A CANOE OUT OF ME!”

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