Encyclopedia of Humor

How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool?

Turn it upside down!

A blind man applies for a job at a saw mill.

The owner interviewing him asks him what kind of a job he is interested in. The blind man says “Inspecting wood.”
The owner laughs and says “But you’re blind!”

The blind man replies, “Test me! I can sniff any wood and tell you what it is.”

The owner agrees, and gives him a piece of wood to smell, “Tell me what kind of wood this is.”

The blind man plainly replies “It’s pine.”

The owner looking surprised grabs another piece and sticks it under the blind mans nose. The blind man says it is mohagany.

The owner thinks for a bit, then says, “I have one more piece for you to smell.”

He gets his secretary to sit spread-eagle on his desk and he asks the blind man what kind it is, pushing his head toward the secretary’s crotch.

The blind man replies, “Wwwhheeeeewwwwww wwwwweeeeeee!
Thats the shit-house door off of a tuna trolley!”

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says “If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back”

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said “Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass.”

So the first hiker has apples… Ok, apples it shouldn’t be too hard.
1 up okay… 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.

The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay… 2 up fine… 3… 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes “What happened… you had grapes, I mean you got killed c’mon what happened?”

The guy who had grapes says, “Well the other hiker…….. he…….. he……… he had watermellons!”

Two friends in a Bar:

JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex?

JOE: Er…, when I clean myself off with the curtains.

There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctor. The doc ran
some
tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor
called
and the wife answered.

“I’m going to have to run a few more tests”, the doctor said “I’m going
to
need a semen, urine and a fecal sample”.

After she hung up the husband asked, “What did the doctor say?”

“Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear”.