Encyclopedia of Humor

Caught napping at work, school, or church…try this one.
Guaranteed to work!

Just pick your head up real fast and say:

“…in JESUS’ name…AMEN!”
(he-he…how can they yell at you for this

ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won’t work in a Synagogue?

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the twelve hundred students who went to move “26 cars”, return to class.”

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you suddenly realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail.

As a woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn!”
Your boss is standing behind you. And it’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out and you’re the only coffee drinker there.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”

You wake up hung over.
You have a black eye and barked knuckles.
Your underwear is missing.
You’re in jail.
Last night was the company Christmas party.

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:

“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered – “I guess you’d be eating alone!”

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that there had to be something done about it.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She then explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then used it to clean the mirror. Needless to say, there have been no lip prints on the mirror since!