Encyclopedia of Humor

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter’s milk.

Little Johnny pipes up and says, “I know teacher!”

Number One: It’s fresh.
Number Two: It’s nutritious.
Number Three: I’t served at just the right temperature.
And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal. Johnson: Montreal! “Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!”
Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!
Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, “No kidding! What position does she play?”

Mr. Jones, upon returning from a business trip was shocked to find his wife in bed with a stranger. The nude stranger was sprawled over the bed asleep.

“You rotten bastard!” yelled the husband…”I’m going to kill you!”

“Wait!, said Mrs. Jones”.
You know that fur coat I got last winter?
Well, he gave it to me.

And that diamond ring we sold for $1000′s?
Well, he gave it to me.

And remember when we couldn’t aford a new car and I came home one day with a brand new chevy? Well, he gave it to me.

After hearing all this, Mr. Jones exclaims…

“For heaven sake woman, it’s drafty in here.”
“Cover him so he doesn’t catch cold!”

Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader?

When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

“How much for a season pass?”