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Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn’t be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example…

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, “ko-kou-ko-le,” which can be loosely translated as “happiness in the mouth.”

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” came out as “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead.”

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan “finger-lickin’ good” came out as “eat your fingers off.”

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, “Salem – Feeling Free,” got translated in the Japanese market into “When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty.”

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that “no va” means “it won’t go.” After the company figured out why it wasn’t selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals”. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word “embarazar” meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that “It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired “I Saw the Pope” in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed “I Saw the Potato.”

Chicken-man Frank Perdue’s slogan, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained “It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused.”

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means “big breasts.” In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan’s second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

and finally…

In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extoll the drink’s eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence, the slogan, “Orange juice. It gets your pecker up.”

By the way, these are all true!

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It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orangejuice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you.

I asked him what to give you. He said, ‘Fuck him. Give him a dollar.’ The breakfast was my idea!”

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Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people.”

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1:Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2:Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

And since:Knowledge = Power And: Time= Money , It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money Solving this equation for Money, we get: Money =Work / Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

Conclusion:The less you know, the more you make.

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A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, “Aren’t they cute, what are their names?”

The man giving the lady an angry look replied “I don’t know”.

The lady asked again “Which is a boy and which is a girl?”. The man looking angrier than before replied “I don’t know”.

The woman then started to scold the man “What kind of a father are you?”.

The man replied “I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company.”

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There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.

“Hey bartender” said the Engineer, “I’ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there.”

The bartender responded, “I’m sorry sir but that guy’s a commie and we don’t serve his kind around here.”

“Well, you’d better because if it weren’t for that guy, I wouldn’t be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don’t believe me, look at the top of his head and you’ll see that it’s flat from holding the roof up.”

The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: “I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn’t help noticing the bruising under his chin. What is that all about?” the Engineer responded: “Oh…that’s where we put the jack.”

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