Encyclopedia of Humor

Two men are in a bar are boasting about their prowess and one of them says, “My cock is longer than that cat’s tail.”

A bet is made, the bartender supplies a ruler, and the cat is roused and measured.

But when the bartender begins the second measurement, the stud says, “Just a moment! Where did you measure that cat’s tail from?”

“From the asshole.” says the bartender.

“Well, kindly do me the same favor.”

What’s the best thing to come out of a penis?

The wrinkles!

What’s the dumbest part of a man’s body?

His penis. It has a head without a brain, it swings with two nuts, and it lives right around the corner from an asshole.

New IRS Tax Policy

GOVERNMENT NOTICE

January 1, 1995
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: IRS
RE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040P

The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.

Accordingly, starting January 1, 1995 your penis will be taxed according to it’s size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.

*12-10 inches –Luxury Tax –$50.00
10-8 inches –Pole Tax –$30.00
8-6 inches –Privilege Tax –$15.00
6-4 inches –Nuisance Tax –$5.00

Please Note:
-Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund.
- * Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains.

Please do not request an extension

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Internal Revenue Services

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my penis I will keep, And if I wake and it is gone, I hope to find it on the lawn.

I hope the dog that’s running free, Doesn’t see that little part of me, Many precautions I must take, To keep this part I love to shake.

Much attention I must pay, To assure I put the knives away, The mower, chain saw, the hatchet too, Why there’s no telling what she’d do.

To rid me of my manly charm, I must keep it safe, away from harm, So I cross my fingers, as I close my eyes, and I cross my legs to avoid surprise!