DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish…………………………….49.
Adventurous………………….Slept with everyone.
Athletic…………………………..No breasts.
Average looking……………..Moooo.
Beautiful………………………..Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure……….On medication.
Feminist…………………………Fat.
Free Spirit……………………..Junkie.
Friendship first………………Former Slut.
New-Age………………………..Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………No B.J.’s
Open-minded………………….Desperate.
Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing.
Professional……………………Bitch.
Voluptuous……………………..Very fat.
Large frame……………………Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate……………..Stalker.
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POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks!
POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?
NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should’ve poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.
NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities. Read More…
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season pass?
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Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. Read More…
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car. Read More…
