You’ve ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.
People at work only refer to you by saying “Hey fatso!”
You’ve thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.
Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.
You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin’ To The Oldies.
You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.
Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.
The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers “Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby”
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The Top Signs That You’ve Hired A Bad Private Eye
Considers reading “The Hardy Boys Mysteries” actually helpful reasearch.
He has a pet basset hound named “Flash” that acts as his trusty assistant.
His best disguise is wearing a hat.
Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
Won’t read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from “Murder She Wrote” when he thinks he’s caught the suspect.
Well, he’s blind.
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“This is my tryout for Nascar.”
“I’ve got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am missing.”
“That McDonald’s offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could run out at ANYTIME!”
“I’m trying to rush home for the new Hanson video debut on MTV.”
“Cause those Gorditas rule.”
“Uh-Oh..Wapner’s on…I’m an excellent driver.”
“Trying to see how fast a Yugo can go.”
“Umm..I’m drunk?”
“Trying to outrun the radio signal that is playing that lousy Alannis Morisette “Uninvited” song!”
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You’re introduced to everyone as “The Minesweeper God”.
You have visited every website in the world.
You’re the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.
You’re able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.
Your doctor says that he’s never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.
You’ve seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.
Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.
In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.
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The Top 10 Superheroes Needed To Fight Cybercrime
Inspector Gadget
Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons
Captain America On Line
The Wonder Barbi Twins
The Silver Surfer
The XXX Men(they handle strictly cyber porn)
Up in the sky, wearing glasses, a big letter E on his chest and a “Nets”cape, its Bill Gates as GEEKMAN!!!
DBase Ventura
Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby with the Mystery Machine( Jinkies, there goes another hacker!!)
Who else knows the web better than Spiderman???
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