Encyclopedia of Humor

The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought

“That URL was not found because frankly, I didn’t try hard enough.”

“If you continue to type that way, you’ll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.”

“The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed.”

“Normally, I would complain but I’ll let that rough disk insertion slide this time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll clean up that beer stain.”

“Its not a virus…its a STD(System Transmitted Disease).”

“Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click.”

“That General Protection Fault is not yours.”

“You’re using MS Word 5.0 and that’s a weenie version so why don’t I upgrade you for free?”

“I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video… may I suggest another?”

To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.

To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald’s manager uses daily.

No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.

After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.

So someone else can deal with the psychotic little shits.

Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.

Easier to run escort service out of home when they’re not around.

To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect English to the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!

To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M.Lewinsky only!).

Its named Heaven’s Waiting Room.

Cheap TV antenna can’t pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.

Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.

Its named Matlock Manor.

No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.

Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.

You can’t ring a nurse but you can page the attorney’s office down the hall.

Rectal thermometers made of wood.

Two words: Community Bedpan.

The Top 10 Things To Do While Confined In A Space Station

Roll down the window and throw beer cans at passing satellites.

Play some rather boring games of Solitaire.

Try to bust that myth of Lays Potato Chips: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One!

Come up with as many wacky Top 10 List Topics as possible so Top 10 Boy will have work to do into the New Year.

When the NASA camera is off, dance around to “Blue Jean” by David Bowie while wearing just your space helmet.

Do what everyone else does, write out all of your postcards..mail them when you get home.

Don’t move, don’t touch anything and if you break something, know that you will be blamed mercilessly for it and shunned by society to a Gulag in a remote part of Northern Siberia (Russian Space Station only).

Access www.spacebabes.com on NASA’s computer instead of doing those meaningless space experiments.

Call Martian Escort Service..hope like hell they take American Express.

Watch All of Pauly Shore’s movies…try to find examples of humor, plot and a reason for making it.

The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher

Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.

As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.

Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.

Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler’s favorite pasta.

Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as “technically” U.S. States.

Tells you that its Napoleon that’s the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.

Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.

Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.

Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.

Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.