Encyclopedia of Humor

Deadly Virus

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems. The others agreed.

Then one said, Since we are all professionals, why dont we take some time right now to hear each other out?
The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.

The second psychiatrist said, I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.

The third followed with, Im involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, I know Im not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I cant keep a secret…

Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,

Im chopping down the next tree I see. I dont care whether its decorated or not!

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells,
“What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.

He says, What on earth is that all about?

The farmer says, We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm.

Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?

The farmer replied, There aint nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.