Encyclopedia of Humor

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when
they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign
posted that says, Covert to Catholicism and get $10.

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His
friend turns to him and says, Murray, whats going on?

Abe, replies Murray, Im thinking of doing it.

Abe says, What are you, crazy?

Murray thinks for a minute and says, Abe, Im going to do it.

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes
out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

So, asks Abe, did you get your ten dollars?

Murray looks up at him and says, Is that all you people think of?

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home
on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she
becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into
the driveway.

What happened? asked the wife. You should have been home hours ago!

Gus had a heart attack at the third hole, replied the husband.

Oh, thats terrible, said the wife.

I know, the husband answered. All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus,
hit the ball, drag Gus . . .

A woman goes to France to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers, Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughs and says, A French girl!

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you.

And, what happened to my present?

Which present?

What I asked for…. the French girl?

Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl…

US Air recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their
husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department
sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, What
trip?

Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar leaned over
and woke up the sleeping man next to him to ask if he would
like to play a game.

Ill ask you a question, the scholar explained, and if
you dont know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a
question, and if I dont know the answer, Ill pay you $50.

When the man agreed to play, the scholar asked, Whats the
distance from the earth to the moon? Flummoxed, the man
handed him $5. Ha! said the scholar. Its 238,857 miles.
Now its your turn.

The man was silent for a few moments. Then he asked, What
goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

Puzzled, the scholar racked his brains for an hour–but to
no avail. Finally he took out his wallet and handed over
$50. Okay, okay, what is the answer? the scholar asked.

The man said, I dont know, pulled out a $5 bill, handed
it to the scholar, and went back to sleep.