Encyclopedia of Humor

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.

“Kenneth.”

“And what is your question, Kenneth?”

“I have three questions: First – whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, “Okay where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

“Larry.”

“And what is your question?”

“I have five questions: First – whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth – why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth – what happened to Kenneth?”

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I dont know.” St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked reverently, “Aren’t you Moses?” But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, ”Aren’t you Moses?” The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man’s arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, “Answer me — Aren’t you Moses?” The man replies, “I’m not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!”

Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,

Im chopping down the next tree I see. I dont care whether its decorated or not!

Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees.

Yes, Sir, the new employee replied.

Well, then, that makes everything just fine, the boss went on. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral, she stopped in to see you.