These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign at a hotel. “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”

Sign in a science teacher’s room: “If it moves, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.”

Sign in butchers window: “Pleased to meat you.”

Sign on auto body shop: “May we have the next dents?”

Sign at the dry cleaner’s window: “Drop your pants here.”

Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: “Reserved for plant manager.”

Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: “The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”

Sign in a Norwegian lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: “Please do not disturb further.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in an office: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”

Sign in a veterinary’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

Sign on music teachers’ door: “Out Chopin.”

Sign at the electic company: “We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

Sign in beauty shop window: “Dye now!”

Sign on a garbage truck: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”

Sign at a computer store: “Out for a quick byte.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.”

Sign in a bowling alley: “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: “Get a `long` little doggie!”

Sign in a cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want.”

Sign on a music library’s door: “Bach in a minuet.”

Sign in a restaurant window: “T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12″

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: “Today’s special. Below it says: So’s tomorrow.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Great food (50,000 flies can’t be wrong).”

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Sign in a Maine restaurant: “Open 7 days a week and weekends.”

Sign in school: “In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign on an asphalt truck: “Let us fill your crack!”

Office sign: “Ace exterminating – we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome.”

Sign at a muffler shop: “No muff too tough for us!”

Sign on a government issue car: “Fulton county disaster coordinator.”

Sign in a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! “To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.”

Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Sign in a Leipzig elevator: “Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign on a Norfolk farm: “Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left.”

Sign seen in London department store: “Bargain Basement Upstairs”

Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: “Closed for official opening.”

Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: “Please leave your values at the front desk.”

Sign in a hotel in Athens: “Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.”

Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: “The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.”

Sign in a Japanese hotel: “You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.”

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.