A lawyer’s car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.

As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, ‘my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!” As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer’s right arm missing.

”Do you realize your arm is gone?” asked the policeman?

The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
“My rolex, my brand new rolex!”

Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer.”

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said “No,” he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, “Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?”
He said, “Why,… Yes I am!”

So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered,
“Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and
come home?

A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
television

How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?

Shoot him before he hits the water!