How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

What happens if you get scared to death twice?

If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you write a book about failure, and it doesn’t sell, is it a success?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”

Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”

Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”

Caddy: “Eventually.”

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”

Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”

Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

Golfer: “How do you like my game?”

Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”

Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”

Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”

Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

10. I think of you as a brother… (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages… (I don’t want to do my dad)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way… (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now… (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend… (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s)..

5. I don’t date men where I work… (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ‘solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me… (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career… (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate… (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it really means)

1. Let’s be friends… (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

1. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator

2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven

3. 101 Games to Play in the Road

4. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub,a Blowdryer,and a Fork

5. Your Nightmares are real

6. Monsters Killed Grandpa

7. All Guns Squirt Water

8. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite

9. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree

10. Dad’s New Wife Robert

Lately she sits at the computer naked.

After signing off, she always has a cigarette.

The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

She’s gotten amazingly good at typing one handed.

She makes sarcastic remarks about your “software”.

Lipstick on the mouse.

During sex she screams “A-colon backslash enter insert!”

The jam in the laser printer is a pair of panties.

The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy’s behind.