Did you hear about the guy on the beach who found a bottle? He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a genie.

“I will grant you three wishes,” said the Genie. “But there’s a catch.”

“What catch?” he asked.

The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every politician in the world will receive double what you asked for.”

“Well, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asked the Genie.

“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” he said.

POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.

“Now, every politician in the world has two Ferraris,” said the genie. “Next wish?”

“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.

POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.

“Now, every politician in the world has two million dollars,” said the genie.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.

“What is your final wish?” asked the genie.

The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”

A country doctor is suturing a laceration on the hand of an old farmer.

Old man: “All you need to know about politics is that young George Bush is a post turtle.”

Doctor: “Oh? What is a post turtle?”

Old man: “When yer driving down a country road, and ya come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? That’s a post turtle. Ya know he didn’t get there by himself, he don’t belong there, he cain’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help take the poor thang down.”

A CAT always hits the litterbox.

Better chance of training a CAT.

No matter what your CAT drags into your house, you don’t have to pretend you like it.

You never have to spend time with your CAT’s mother.

If you ask enough times, a CAT may actually listen to you.

A CAT purrs when you serve him dinner.

You can de-claw a CAT… try to get a guy to clip his toenails.

It’s okay if a CAT rubs up against your best friend.

You don’t have to worry about your CAT turn into a pig when you host a party.

A CAT knows you’re the key to his happiness… A man thinks he is.

If a CAT jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy him.

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

TIMID: Can’t piss if someone’s watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.

EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat.

RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk

But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow

Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the sto.

In hopes that later, you’d be my ho.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right

I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class

Especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished

But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass

Our love has grown. . . but so has your ass.

3. You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie

I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny

So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister

You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!