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Traveling on the train




There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: “The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.”

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: “The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.”

The Irishman was thinking: “This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again.”

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Posted in: Claudia Schiffer Jokes, England Jokes, Ireland Jokes

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18 Responses to “Traveling on the train”

  1. April 26th, 2008 at 7:32 pm #mik

    ha ha quality! although the irishman should really be changed for a northern irishman, or a scot – the irish merely dislike the english. we hate them.

  2. November 24th, 2008 at 7:36 am #phil

    The Englishman should be changed for “mik”. Everyone hates racist bigots.

  3. November 25th, 2008 at 5:54 am #Apocrypha

    2nd what phil said.

  4. November 26th, 2008 at 7:40 pm #Richard

    3rd what Phil said. Not every Scot or N/Irelander hates the English. We just hate racist tw*ts like you.

  5. November 29th, 2008 at 12:56 am #monkeipeg

    Cute joke. I’m neither English, nor Irish, nor Scottish; but I agree that what mik said was generalized and makes him/her look dumb.

  6. November 29th, 2008 at 10:26 pm #Tony The Brit

    Im British and very proud of the fact but i also love everybody whether they be English,Irish,Scottish or even Welsh. If everyone just could get past the racist bullshit and know we are all the same the world would be a much nicer place.

  7. November 30th, 2008 at 3:39 pm #tom

    i 4th or whatever phil said. mik, shut up, no one likes a racist twat like yourself. i am english and have friends from every country in the uk, and also friends from ireland. just because ireland has so much pride that they was to seclude themselves from the rest of the uk, doesnt mean we all hate eachother.

  8. December 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 pm #Pete

    Erm… it’s just a joke?

    In the UK and Ireland, we can have a laugh at each other without crying and shouting “racism!”… I suppose it’s just a little cultural quirk of countries outside the US.

  9. December 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm #Richard

    It’s not the joke we’re irritated about, it’s the comment about hating people, the first one in the list. It’s not a joke any more than “Guess what.. Niggers steal TVs!” is a joke. It’s just not really funny.
    And In the UK and Ireland, we can comment on jokes without having to resort to racist comments. Don’t automatically assume that we’re all from the US, because all but one of us are British/Irish. Mind you, I suppose you didn’t read the comments, did you, Pete? I suppose that’s just a little quirk of racists.

  10. December 28th, 2008 at 10:15 am #Pu Niao

    Oh dear, the poor Englishman…

  11. January 21st, 2009 at 9:23 pm #Jason

    ha, im english. and found this hilarious. as for the racistness. meh nothing offends northerners, everything is taken in jest, you cunts

  12. February 15th, 2009 at 8:36 am #Barry

    what the hell guys? calm down.
    funny joke lols!!1!!1one!!!eleven2111

  13. February 17th, 2009 at 10:45 pm #American, F&%@ YEAH!

    Hi Mik, Phil, Irishmen, Northern Irishmen and Scots:

    It’s not racism. You’re all the SAME RACE. Look it up. Put down your pints, pick up a dictionary.

    The concept you’re speaking of is prejudice. (that’s intollerance or dislike–warranted or not–towards another group or nationality)

    Thank you, and God bless!

  14. May 28th, 2009 at 1:21 pm #Brenda

    Come, come now people. It’s understandable that Englishmen would get hurt. Who would want to be called an idiot?

    I found it funny personally. And I’m English.

  15. June 13th, 2009 at 11:51 pm #Humored three

    I’m all three of these nationalities and I’m deeply humored by this. It’s really cute… made my night… well actually early, early morning.

  16. November 27th, 2009 at 7:52 am #Matt

    I’m with the northern person, quality all of it, some people have too much time / ignorance / aggression on their hands.

  17. February 25th, 2010 at 8:21 pm #neville

    English fella

  18. June 21st, 2010 at 5:44 pm #ian

    Awww. Isnt it quaint that the humour of some people hasn’t moved on since the racist jokes of the 1970′s? Retro humour to go with all the other travesties of that decade, like glam rock and flares. I’m happy for those that find this joke funny. It gives them a nice safe nostalgic little place to live, whilst the rest of us can move forward away from this kind of dross.

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