71 Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, “You have a choice ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ death, or ugga bugga.” The first guy says, “Well, I guess ugga bugga.” The chief shouts “UGGA BUGGA!” and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, “Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga.” He says “well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death.” The chief says, “Very well,” and shouts “DEATH. But first, UGGA BUGGA!
72 I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Are you reading that?” I didnt know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again. (David Brenner).
73 These impossible women! How do they get around us! The poet was right: cant live with them, or without them! (Aristophanes)
74 I went to the psychiatrist, and he says “You’re crazy ” I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Okay, you’re ugly too!” (Rodney Dangerfield)
75 Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “Ill go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the towns only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I cant leave,” the doctor says. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“But heres what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.” The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“What did the doctor say?” the victim asks. “He says youre gonna die.”
76 Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves. (Johnny Carson)
77 Take my wifeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¦please (Henny Youngman)
78 A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. “I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says. “Thats awfully steep, isnt it?” the guy asks. “Yes,” the lawyer replies, “Now whats your final question?”
79 My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
80 I cant think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why theyre dead. (Laura Kightlinger)