Encyclopedia of Humor

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.

After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?”

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion.”

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation: “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate, but…”

The priest interjected, “Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice.”

The two resumed their reading. It was silent for a while.

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, “Better than pork, isn’t it?”

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest says, “Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.”

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, “Try saying things like, ‘I see,’ ‘yes,’ ‘go on,’ ‘I understand,’ and ‘how did you feel about that?’”

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than saying, ‘Whoa… What happened next?’”

Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, “I’ve never come this way before.”

Other nun says, “Neither have I. It’s probably the cobbles.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed inbetween the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”

It’s Father O’Brien’s night to hear confessions, and there are four nuns in the lineup. The first nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I should let you know right off that I touched a man with my finger!”

“Oh lass! ‘Tis nothin’, you could have been in a crowded elevator or some similar place,” the priest says.

“Oh no, Father!” exclaims the nun. “I touched him right on his private parts!” >

“You slut! You filthy tart!” screams the good father. “Say a hundred Hail Mary’s and dip your finger in the holy water on the way out of the church!” Which she does.

The second nun enters the confessional and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I want to say that I held a man with my hand.”

“Oh lass! ‘Tis nothin’, you might have stumbled and he lent you a hand,” the priest says.

“Oh no, Father!” exclaims the nun. “I held his private parts right in my hand!”

“Why you slut! You whore!” roars the good Father. “Say a thousand Hail Mary’s and dip your hand in the holy water on the way out of the church!” Which she did.

At this point, the fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me sister, but would you mind terribly if I went ahead of you?”

“Now why would you be wantin’ to do that, I wonder?” asks the third nun.

To which the fourth nun replies, “Well, it looks as if I’m going to have to gargle with the holy water, and I want to do so before you sit in it!”