Encyclopedia of Humor

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees
a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says,
“What the hell is that all about?”

The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all
his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some
clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than
watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his
pants down with the other.”

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.”

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. “This dog is a special dog,” he tells her. “It is able to fly,” he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

“There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say ‘my’, he’ll eat whatever you’ve mentioned. Watch. “My apple!” The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

“He’s cute, and so unusual. I’ll take him,” she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

“Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!” she exclaims when she gets back home. “He can fly!”

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, “Fly eh? Ha! My foot!”

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book   – The Sex Life of the Elephant
                or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book  – Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book    – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and
                    culture
                or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book – How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book – How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book    – How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book  – What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book   – A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book – Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book    – Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went
                    With His Elephants
The Canadian book – Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book  – How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Lots of room!

What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?
Swim for it…